Change our intention

Aduh, aku memang cari penyakit ! DON'T CRY ! It is your fault. Stalk orang bagai. And then sedih. Tah pape lah kau !

Harini last paper. Yeay, tapi pintu hati aku macam terbukak nak study. Tapi macam malas. Entah lah wehh. I am not in neutral mood. Sometime hot, sometime cool.

I just have another 8 weeks to stay here my heaven. Takde tujuan lagi masa mula mula aku bukak tab untuk update ni. Tapi suddenly terkeluar satu idea.

Aku suddenly teringat pasal seorang kawan aku. Nama dia Muhammad Asyraf. Aku panggil dia Che. Kenal dia masa aku kerja dekat Parkson awal tahun ni. Ada satu malam masa aku tengah otp dengan dia. Entah macam mana keluar lah topik ni. ''Niat'''. Oh ya. Lupa. Dia sekarang belajar dekat UTM KL.

Aku pun tak ingat apa mula dia. Aku ingat tengah tengah je. Dia pergi belajar dekat UTM bukan untuk aim 4flat macam yang orang impikan dekat tempat belajar. Tapi dia dekat situ untuk menyelidik dan belajar. So, i have to change my intention here.

Aku ada niat untuk dapat 4flat dekat sini. And pengarah kolej aku pun suruh budak budak KMJ ni letak azam 4flat. So aku pun kena lah tukar niat aku. Kalau aku berniat untuk dapat 4flat tapi tak pernah faham apa yang aku belajar buat apa kan? And lagi satu. Niat nak ambik periksa bukan untuk dapat A. Tapi untuk menguji tahap otak kita. So, no need all the skop soalan yang belum tentu masuk tu. Sebab nanti habis je periksa kita pun lupa segalanya. Apa point kita belajar bertahun tahun kan? Sampai satu dekad. No wonder lah semua pun menganggur sekarang ni. Sebab tak boleh nak applikasikan apa yang dah belajar.

Alhamdulillah. Tamat lah sudah saya punya bebelan yang entah pape ni. Ni nak bagi random picture. Keep Calm and Look at My Pictures :)

perfect

I try not to think

about the pain I feel inside

did you know you use to be my hero

all the days you spend with me

now seems so far away

and it feels like you don't care anymore

and know I try hard to make it

I just want to make you proud

I'm never be good enough for you

and nothing's alright

nothing's gonna change the things that you I said did

nothing's gonna make this right again

please don't turn your back

just to talk to you

because you don't understand

Assalamualaikum wbt
''kalau tak jawab dosa kalau jawab sayang'' <3 p="">Alhamdulillah sehingga kini aku masih lagi Hamizah dan akan kekal selamanya Hamizah. itu janji aku pada Dia, dia dan diri aku sendiri.

Kalau korang dapat tangkap yang dekat atas tu adalah sedikit rangkap dari lirik lagu Simple Plan yang bertajuk Perfect. Lagu perfect ni sebenarnya berkaitan dengan seorang ayah yang tak boleh nak terima apa yang anak dia nak dalam hidup. Teenagers always opposite with adult. Tapi, lirik dekat atas ni telah aku transform dari untuk seorang ayah kepada seorang hero dalam hati aku.

Masa tengah blogging ni, aku ada depan laptop sambil tunggu maggi kembang, baru habis paper physics, belum mandi, and the most important thing aku tengah kawal emosi aku dari menyebabkan air mata aku gugur sambil dengar lagu yang telah ditaip liriknya di atas.

It had been a while. Aku tahan perasaan aku dari ber blogging tentang benda ni.

In five years backward, I known a guy name given by his mom and dad ____. If I can mention it, I will. But I can't. He is someone sent by my God (Allah) to change myself from bad girl to a better girl. And I fall in love with him. But I did something wrong. I don't know how to say this. But I believe "once you let something precious go from yourself, it won't come back". Yes I believe it.

Me, with no intention at all did something which everyone hate. LIE. Yup, I lied him. My identity. Only my identity. But my feeling, my surrounding and many more I never lie! Just my identity. Every day and every night I pray to my God (Allah) to open his heart to accept me for who I am and tell him who I am. Alhamdulillah, now he know me. He know my identity. But, he can't accept me for who I am. "Allah won't give you something you want, but He give you something you need". Finally my tears fall. Yes, truly I want his love. But, is it something I need to be a normal human?

Lately I tried to find someone who I can love who look attractive around me. I lie if I said there is no attractive guy around me. Many of them around me. But, they cannot be in my heart like he stay in my heart. I tried many thing to live normally without him. I stop text him, I stop call him, I start make my life busier than before. But, it is just the same. He cannot be remove from my heart and soul.

I use to pray to my God (Allah). ''make him stay in my heart, make me love him deeper if i am for him and he is for me. make him away from my heart, make my love for him fade if we are not meant to be together in the future''.

I cannot handle this alone but I don't know how to share with others. I just can write on the paper, in the screen and I cry alone.

I know I am brave reason He give me this problem. I know I am strong so He did not give me someone for me to share this. I am not hoping he will read this. And may be he never know I have a blog to write this.

Guys, please pray for me so I can be strong more and more.